He cheated

Well, after going back and forth and him stringing me along telling me “I don’t know” about our relationship (b/c we were trying to work things out), I found out he was cheating on me. He took a girl to Puerto Rico with him for his trip and lied to me about the whole thing. This is probably the same short blonde that my neighbors told me they saw at our apartment when I went away on a trip (while him and I were together… before the wedding was called off). And the funny thing is that he was supposed to come visit me next weekend and told me he missed me. Yeah. I knew something was up with the way he was treating me, and so I called his hotel room b/c he wouldn’t talk to me and I wanted to make arrangements for our weekend next week. Well, a girl answered. And it wasn’t a friend of his because I said, “Who is this?” And she asked, “well who is this?” I told her I was his ex-fiance trying to reach him and she said “EX!” and hung up on me. I called him to discuss it and when I asked who the woman in his room was, he hung up on me. I have a feeling that this has been going on for a while. There were signs I chose to ignore, like him starting to wear cologne to the gym (who does that?), or maybe the week we broke up and I was in DC with my sister and he called every 15-minutes of the 2-hour drive home to see where I was. That bitch was probably in my damn bed. Who knows how long it was going on, but I think it’s been a while…you wouldn’t take someone you just met in the last two months on a vacation to PR, which means this started before we broke up. And what really pisses me off is that he tried to blame me for the whole thing. It was never my fault. It was his b/c he can’t control his dick. And I don’t even think he has any remorse or guilt over it. Hell, he was probably with her in Myrtle Beach on what was supposed to be our wedding day. I knew something was up with him going to Myrtle with another couple. I knew there was somethign wrong with it when he wouldn’t take my calls when he knew that was the hardest weekend for me. I was a wreck that day and he was banging some bitch. Try dealing with that one!

I can’t tell you how I feel right now. I’ve never been so hurt in all my life. He cheated on his fiance, someone he was with and said he loved and was faithful to for 6 years. I feel so empty and hurt and I want some answers… and then I never want to speak to the asshole again. She can have fun dealing with a liar and cheat, and who cannot pay one bill on time and has no credit. And the funny thing is, I feel bad for her because she probably has no idea that we have only been broken up for a little over 2 months and has no idea that him and I continued to see each other (up to even 3/4 weeks ago). If she looked on his phone there is proof! I don’t understand why men are the way that they are… they kick you when you are down. I had the worst year of my life in Richmond and instead of helping me and supporting me, he stuck a knife in my back. I was clinging to hope and he made me believe we could work it out… at least now I know there is no chance of that. He has no idea the damage that he has done to me. He lied to me about so many things that I now know about (I wonder how many things I DON’T know about), he manipulated me and tried to control me. Ya know why I always accused you of cheating David? Because my gut instinct all along told me that you were. I should have listened. Funny I had to find out like this. I should have trusted my head and ignored my heart, and now my heart is breaking all over again. I don’t think I’ll have any heart left after this. I wasted 6 of the best years of my life with him… I could have met my perfect mate in that time, and instead I was wasting it with someone who goes and does this. I wish I never met him. I’m deleting any existence of him… deleting the photos, burning the scrapbook, and throwing away anything he ever gave me (oh wait, he never really did give me anything other than sound system stuff and underwear/loungerie – f’ing perv). I’m even considering selling anything he gave me now.

I’m back to not eating or sleeping again… hell, I might get into a smaller size than I was in high school! I feel like throwing up every day and now I have to go to the doctor to make sure my own fiance didn’t give me an std… FUN! I don’t know if I can get through this. I can’t stop crying and I have no love left for anything. I can’t believe this has happened and I feel like I’m in a nightmare. At least now I know why he did all this and I can move forward and meet someone. At least now I have no reason to sit and wait or try to work things out. I just want the pain to stop so I can start healing. And I can’t wait to see how Karma comes back around.