Not much to tell these days

I am trying to stay afloat, which is proving to be very difficult. I just found out that my cell phone bill is now over $1200 from David traveling. It makes me want to cry because I don’t have a way to pay this, so my cell phone may end up turned off… that’s going to make it a little tough to get calls for jobs. Every day I am driving to Panera Bread so that I can use their WIFI to apply. Had a few nibbles, but nothing big yet. I am hoping to have some news on my interview tomorrow and then I may have something next week. Other than that, I am seeing a councelor now to work on my issues and I walk at least every other day, which feels good. I’ve lost a ton of weight which isn’t good, but I cannot help it. I think I’m down to the 135 (that’s down 15 pounds at least) I wanted to be at for the wedding now. None of my business suits even fit me right now. I feel like the weight of the world is on me right now. I just cannot understand why he left me in this position. I’m doing what I have to do for me now, but it is still very painful and I miss him. Our anniversary would have been this Friday, his birthday on the 21st, and then our wedding Sept 3. All of these days are going to be really, REALLY hard for me. I will never know how someone who loves you can do this to you. I am so sad every day that it hurts. I can’t sleep, I have nightmares… I don’t know when this is going to stop hurting me. Truth be told, I don’t think it will ever stop hurting me unless we can find a way to work things out. I am haunted by his actions every day. I am hurt by the mean things he has said, but I miss his arms around me. I know that no one understands, but we shared a connection and a love that I thought was forever. I truly believed that God put us together and that we were meant to grow old together. His company brought me so much joy and I miss talking with him. I love him, and I always will.