God, Are you listening?

July 31st, 2007 Posted in Misc., Random Thoughts

Hey God, it’s E again… I know I asked you for a sign that this was or wasn’t right, but I didn’t really mean that I wanted this. He loves me and I love him and we went through a bad spell. Can you help us get through it? Give me the strength I need to give him space because I am afraid… if I leave, I don’t want it to be goodbye. I need him in my life and he’s the perfect match I have always dreamed for. He’s my everything, God, and my life does not feel complete without him in it. We need to work on some things; we know. But can you help us? Please, just help us succeed at this test so that we can have the happy ever after that we know we can have. We are both good people who just want to be happy together. I am not asking you to fix this, but I need you to carry me from time to time because I feel like I am breaking and lack the strength to get through some days. Can you hold us both in your arms and whisper it will be better… I need that. He needs it too. I am willing to do anything that I have to in order for this to work, and he says he will wait and do the work too. Please strengthen our faith and give us the courage to wade these harsh waters so that we can find the calm to float in together. Our life was about to begin and I just don’t think it’s fair that you choose to test us now…. Why now? Do you think you could reconsider? I love him, forever and always. Please help him to remember that. Please help him remember that I will do anything that is in my power to make this relationship work…. now, next month, next year, the next 50 years… I was in this for the right reasons and lost a few things along the way, and I believe in my heart that he was too. God, I am hoping that you can help remind me daily of these things we need to work on. Please, God I really need your help. I really need your love. And David does too.

And if you don’t mind, please keep my Aunt Leona in your arms during her difficult time with breast cancer. She has her masectamy (sp?) this week and I am worried for her. Please watch over her and give her the strength to fight. Please give her family the strength and love they deserve to get through this. And I know this is a lot to ask, but would you mind making sure that the doctors get it all and it doesn’t come back?

And while I’m asking for a few things, could you please stop giving me the worst year of my life? They say you don’t give us more than we can handle… I’m telling you, this is all more than I can handle and I would appreciate it if you could let up a little bit. I get that I need to make changes, and I am working on it.

Amen.

  1. 2 Responses to “God, Are you listening?”

  2. By Mom on Jul 31, 2007

    E…
    That is a wonderful prayer, and I know that God (and whatever powers that be) are listening. These are the hardest times to get through but your family is always here for you. I dunno if this will help or not… it is the poem I wanted to read at your wedding, and it was probably written as a love poem between a man and a woman, but I feel it applies between a mother and child just as much. Just know it is true, and how I will always feel. The bond I share with you and your sister (and your father) make every breath worth taking and life blissfully joyous. I love you with all my heart… I carry your heart in my heart always.

    i carry your heart
    by e.e. cummings

    i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
    my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
    i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
    by only me is your doing,my darling)
    i fear
    no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
    no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
    and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
    and whatever a sun will always sing is you

    here is the deepest secret nobody knows
    (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
    and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
    higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
    and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

    i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

    i still believe that if you and David could manage a long distance relationship for five years, that you two do have something special, or at least something worth fighting for.

    David…
    I hope that you will show everyone that you love Erin and are just as willing to work at the things you did that contributed to how she reacted the past month or so. Relationships are based on hard work and strength and a steadfast willingness… no… DETERMINATION to “make it…” day by day. It is also about forgiveness and compassion. It means working together as a couple and not simply pointing the finger of blame at each other. There has been too much of that lately all the way around. Those are the traps we all get caught up in. This is not intended to be a lecture, just advice from someone whose marriage is not perfect, but… thirty years strong and still going, and still growing, and still learning…. day by day… mistake after mistake… memory after memory… and joy after joy after joy after joy. Instead of saying you want “your” life back, show us that your life IS with Erin’s, and that you can carry her heart in yours as much as she carries yours in hers. Please show us that our trust in you, and our love for you was not misplaced.

  3. By La on Aug 1, 2007

    Funny thing about God- he gave us “Free Will” to make choices and sometimes he guides us, sends us signs but we have to make the final decision.
    It’s like praying your loved one won’t die when they have cancer and being so stuck in the sadness and anger you lose the final days with them. And then blame God for not listening- maybe the answer was NO!
    It’s letting someone else take hold of your strings and convince you that you or your family or the world is to blame for their inability to manage their life, that their dishonesty in paying for their debt is someone elses fault (oh- yes I know, they were never taught that skill!) and by the way- relationships are tough, even the good ones.
    This is your life, your choice but remember- when you ask for help and it comes in the form of family and loved ones dropping everything to be there (and yes, he orchastrated that as well) and then you still choose to stay “right here” “Stuck”, those people, who love you dearly must then walk away and let you figure this out on your own…and when the money is gone, and when he has taken you dignity and pride, and he still does not love you and he still walks away from responsibility (It’s a life habit and oh so much fun) you will be left with nothing, we will all be very sad but I know from experience that it is then that you pick ourselves up and move forward.
    I have to pray that your family has given enough love and belief in you that you find your way through this.

Post a Comment