Giving it Time
July 23rd, 2007 Posted in Misc.David and I talked last night and today, and for the first time really started to communicate. We both realized some things that we didn’t before. Things that hurt us, how we felt, where we thought we were going. We lost each other in this little game of life; it reared it’s head and bit our butts. I was dealing with so much this year, none of it good, and he was losing me. He felt like I didn’t love him and he lacked the affection he deserved. The love was never a problem (nor was the quality of the sex, to set the record straight – I was mad and trying to get even), I was just too bogged down with all of the depression and crap to realize how I was acting and what was going on. I want him to be happy… I want us both to be happy, and I want to be happy together. We both want that. We just both feel that we need time. Going into a marriage the way we were going wasn’t good and this was precisely the wakeup call we needed. We both need to do some work, apart and together. I am probably moving to Charlotte, NC, while he stays here to focus on his job. I am going to put my life back together and try to find the person that I was when he fell in love with me. I pushed him away and I didn’t even realize what I was doing. I am also going to talk to a councelor and he has offered to go with me so we can do it together. But we are not back together, and don’t know when we will be… maybe we won’t ever be (but God, I hope not). We both hope that we can be together soon. It’s hard for me though. My finger where the ring used to reside and remind me of his love is no longer there. There’s an indentation and a faint tan line marking what I lost. I feel for it with my thumb and it’s not there… just like he’s not there. It makes me sad. All I ever wanted was to be his wife… that’s all I ever wanted and I am so ashamed that I have pushed him away. I may never forgive myself for losing my soulmate and best friend. God blessed me with him and now he has taken him away… I only hope that there is a reason and that it will make us stronger and that this time apart will bring us back together, so that we can be stronger. We both want that. And we both have a lot of work to do, but that’s what a real relationship is about. I just hope it isn’t too late. I love him.
3 Responses to “Giving it Time”
By Tami Disanto on Jul 24, 2007
Erin….I couldn’t help but to offer a little note to you today. My heart goes out to you at this sad time….every brides worst nightmare! Honey you got it right the first time….he is a damn coward! These things don’t happen overnight and he is a real ass. You are not to blame for this, that is why we call it a relationship it takes two people always to make and break. Weddings are stressful events and if he can’t handle the planning of a wedding and the begining of a new life…..you are better off. You are a beautiful talented girl with so much to offer a great guy….move on and never look back girl. The zebra doesn’t change their stripes! Thats sickening how he has convinced you that you are responsible for this…he’s a real jerk…never mind run coward run…….run Erin run as fast as you can. Wait for the guy who will worship you! Love you….Tam
By TBD on Jul 25, 2007
Erin, I have to agree with Tami-even though I don’t know her. For him to call your parents and tell them first tells me that he’s thought about this long and hard and it didn’t just happen overnight. It seems odd to me that you would have to be “apart” to find your way back to each other. Damn, you guys just finally got together!! Truth of the matter is exactly what you said to begin with–you’re cramping his style and his desire to behave as a bachelor. I don’t believe he is in a place to have a mature relationship. It pisses me off that in one day of talking that he has you believing that YOU are to blame. From an outsiders perspective, I can see where he probably felt like he wasn’t getting the affection that he wants. I’ve witnessed that in person, but that should’ve been addressed in a mature discussion long before the wedding plans even got started. I know this is hard to hear, Erin, I’ve always felt that you wanted to love David, but that you were more in love with the idea of being in love and being married and having a wedding. To me, your actions spoke louder than words and I think the coward has finally realized it, too. HOWEVER, he should’ve put his feelings out there long before now and left your parents out of it. The decision to call your parents should’ve been yours to make. It only tells me that he really meant it’s over. So now it’s time to walk away and don’t look back. Trust me, this will make you stronger and you will be just fine. It troubles me that you feel like life is over without David. I think you need to regroup and find some inner strength and self-love; it’s not healthy to be that dependent on anyone for your own happiness. Also, for the record, I don’t believe the sexual chemistry is there for you with David and he will eventually leave you again should you get back together. Men will over look a lot of things, but if the booty at home is locked up, he’ll eventually find the key to another “home”. If you want to know how I’ve come to that conclusion, then I quess you will return my phone calls one day.
By Lisa Arthur on Jul 27, 2007
Erin – I went by the EC last night and Teresa told me about the email you sent her. I came here to check on you (as I often do) and make sure you’re ok. Of course you’re not. The news is heart-wrenching, and I can’t begin to know what you’re feeling. But I do know this – you are strong woman and you are so much more than what someone else’s feelings dictate. You are talented, beautiful, intelligent and wicked fun to be around! You are in a difficult place right now, but I know you can and will find happiness again. Try not to focus on recapturing the past – that’s an impossible journey. Instead, move forward, discover what makes you happiest, reinvent yourself if you want. You have many friends and family members who want nothing more than to help you. Accept their help and continue with counseling (a lot of us have well intended advice, but we’re not professionals). Maybe you were directed down a different path for a reason. As brutal as this feels right now, you will find, as you begin to heal, that you are stronger for this experience. In fact, you may ultimately be healthier and happier because things didn’t go as you had planned. Please let me know what your new blog is when you develop it – you are an amazing person and I would hate to lose “touch.” Take care Erin, and know that you are loved! Lisa xoxo